As part of my little law school series, I am really trying to think of unique and valuable content. One topic that I know people have personally asked me and that I haven’t yet seen others address is relationships while in law school.
First of all let me just say, I am obviously not a relationship expert but I really do try to be open and understanding especially when it comes to my own friends and their relationships. I find that this is just the best way to approach life, friendships and relationships.
When I got into law school I was in a relationship. At the time we had been dating on and off for about 3 years. When I was applying to law school, I knew that I would have to relocate if I was admitted. I didn’t apply to any schools in Toronto (this is a topic for another post). My boyfriend at the time (now husband), understood that this was something I was going to have to pursue even if it meant having to make a long distance relationship work.
I will not lie and say this was easy. I ended up in a Dual J.D. cross border program which meant double the amount of readings, class time, on top of all of that I also had a part time job in law school.
When I was admitted, the decision to go to Windsor was one I made alone of course taking into account many things including the fact that I would have to make this relationship work long distance. At the time my husband was working in Toronto and we were not engaged neither did we have plans to get engaged anytime in the immediate future.
We both worked hard and were dedicated to making this relationship work. My husband made lots of sacrifices and if nothing else this experience was truly a test of our relationship. We would see each other almost once a week, for the most part, because I didn’t have a car at the time, he was making the drive to Windsor from Toronto nearly every weekend. He would usually come down Friday night or early Saturday morning and then leave Sunday.
Many of these weekends I had work to do or had to work at my part time job. He would get groceries or help me prepare my weekly meals. It was important to us that we spent time together even if it meant just doing work in the same room. We would spent time walking, exploring Windsor or biking.
During long weekends and holidays either I would come to Toronto or he would drive up and spend the time in Windsor. I think what I’ve learned about being in a long term relationship for 3 years is that alone time is almost as important as spending time together. Of course it was difficult when we were apart but we always kept each other in the loop of our days and would give each other updates on what we were doing.
We spoke to each other almost everyday whether it was a quick phone call or a text and we always prioritized that time. Sometimes we’d have to schedule our phone or facetime calls but we always made it work. No relationship is perfect but there always has to be a level of understanding of the other’s situation. Law school is stressful and if you’re in a relationship with someone that hasn’t gone through this there still needs to be some sort of empathy for the process and respect for the rigour involved.
What I want to say is this, if you’re able to stick it out through the most stressful and awful time which is law school and articling then your relationship is pretty solid. You have to maintain effective communication, be clear with what you’re expecting in terms of communication. For us a phone call everyday, twice a day was just not realistic for our schedules. Also when we knew the other was at work/in class we at least knew that was the reason for the delay in messages, etc.
I would also encourage you in the little free time you have to improve your emotional intelligence by listening to a relationship advice podcast or reading some good self help books (but lets be real no one wants to read more than they have to in law school). One podcast that has really changed the way I approach relationships is Dan’s Savage Lovecast. I would listen to this all the time when I was in school during workouts and it really was helpful for me.
To everyone that has started or is starting a relationship while in law school or entering, I wish you the best of luck. It is possible to obtain success in both it just requires hard work and the right person.
